My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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