Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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