What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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