I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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