I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
