Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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