I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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