I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So many bounce houses so little time
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
