tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
