We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
