You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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