piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
