Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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