If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize