Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize