I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
