Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
