is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
