I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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