i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
