I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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