I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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