bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
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She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
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Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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