remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What a dumb baby whore.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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