i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Randomize
