My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
