He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
