Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
