There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
