we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
