she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
