I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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