How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
