we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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