I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
