I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
