You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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