Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
