just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
