He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
