Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
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is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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