theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
