We are two peas in an std pod
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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