I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
