Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
