Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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