I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
