I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's always time for handjobs
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
