I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
