my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
