you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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