WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
