i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
