Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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