Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize