i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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