I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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