dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
