had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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