I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
