How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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