i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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