the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
