Where is the hickey?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
