I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
