just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
