i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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