I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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