You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Your penis caused this!
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