I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
