I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
