i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
