this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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