I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
