Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
