Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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