In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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